If you could skim through the many countless hours of your entire life thus far, how many of those would you say you absolutely wasted your time on? I decided to scribe about a few significant ones, and I swear if any of you judge me, I will bring Thor’s mighty hand upon your naked back. And it hurts.

• Facebook. This is probably my most recent discovery of wasted-timeness. I can’t even believe there are people on Facebook more than me, but these people are on ALL DAY. If they were signed onto Facebook chat, I would see them pop in and out of idleness ALL DAY. But they’re constantly on which scares me, because a) that means they’re wasting their time at work, and b) well, they’re just losers. But seriously, I am ashamed to think about all the time I put into Facebook and its stupid applications and its stupid yet irresistable form of communication with the world that’s perfect for lazy people. More stupid things like AsianAvenue and Friendster go here too.

• Getting over heartbreak. Okay, this has got to be the MOTHER of the MOTHERLOADS of wasting my freaking time. The initial time after having my heart broken is a boiling vat of waste through the spontaneous sobs, everflowing stream of snot and mourning, and annoying the hell out of friends who wish they can be somewhere else. Even when alone, the horrible thoughts that run through my head or the self-depricating deflation is more than I can bear. Yes, pain is a good thing and part of growing up, but MAN, what a waste of time. There is a point where you just tell yourself to STOP and take that step forward. Curse you, love. I will assassinate you, Cupid.

• Counter-Strike. This was the main reason why my later junior high-early high school years were spectacularly wasted. I was a pretty angry kid growing up, and finding an outlet that had to do with AK-47s and surprise-stabbing people was more than satisfactory to my soul. Of course, this was before I met Jesus, and it’s a miracle that I didn’t pull a crazy and go out to deserts to shoot birds and other small animals. Oh wait… silly me. I DID do those things. But staying up all night playing this, having hours-long chat sessions with my clan, and just contributing hours to moderating our clan forum and designing my tag… WASTE. OF. LIFE. I want to crawl into a pea-sized hole and die and when I see someone playing this and actually miss it.

• Dating. All the freaks I went on dates with. Oh Em Gee. ‘Nuff said.

• Pre-School teaching. If you know me, you’ll know that kids and me together are like a cannibalistic tribe and vegetables. Kids don’t care for me, and I really don’t care for them. So can you imagine how desperate I was for money that I would take a job as a teacher of these mutants? And can you imagine how desperate this pre-school was to hire someone like ME? What the fun? I mean yes, through the screaming children and even through the one emergency room incident and slight burning (don’t even worry, *I* was the victim in both these cases), there were little very rare moments where the kids would hug me or kiss my cheek with their apple sauce-covered lips and I would feel like I was doing all right. All in all though, waste. I hope those kids don’t ever remember me, because if they do… THERAPY.

• SAT Boot Camp. This started in sixth grade when my mother saw a full-page ad in the Korea Times about how parents can send their offspring to the desert and all they would do there is study, study, study, eat sometimes, study, sleep occasionally, and study some more. This is like the 1st Gen Korean Mother’s dream come true. To make a long story short, I was stuck in a forsaken desert for a whole summer, wasting away in the heat with my classmates who were the results of their parents’ insanity like mine. I ultimately got a pretty good score, but nonetheless… this was a nightmare.

• Stranded in Korea. This could contend to be the worst 14 months of my childhood. There was an issue with my green card (yes, I’m a FOB), so when I was visiting my family in Korea and got ready to enter the terminal to fly back to NY, I was denied. After days of phone tag with the government, my mom had no choice but to leave me and go back home so that she can figure out how to solve this problem. The goodbye was very dramatic, like out of a movie. I was crying uncontrollably, my mom was crying, and she told me bravely that I’ll be home soon. That “soon” turned out to be 14 months of hell. Mind you, I was in the 4th grade at the time and missed my mom like a baby. Because I only spoke English, I got physically abused (corporal punishment was a MUST in Korea at that time) by my teacher almost every day, coming home with bruises and tears. It really was traumatizing, and the worst part of it was that I had NEVER cut my hair before, but they chopped it all off during my first week of school. Girls with long hair were considered whores (seriously) and my aunt insisted that I needed to cut it short. So I looked like an ugly boy for a while. I shudder just thinking back on that time. Waste of my childhood, waste of my beautiful hair, waste of innocence. Yes. Drama queen central.

Of course, though all of these were wasteful and I feel like I would have so much of a better and productive person without them, I do also feel like these events of my life did contribute to defining who I am. So my conclusion? Toxic waste can be good to swallow. I mean, look what toxic waste did to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… they’re awesome and became heroes and stuff. In hindsight, try to see what good came out of the waste that may have come out your life… you’d be surprised how much you can learn about yourself through it all.