*Note: This post was written on Saturday night, but I was totally exhausted and fell asleep without updating! So here it is. *
Let me explain. I’ve held a baby before, but only for two seconds before frantically thrusting the little, writhing (usually screaming) body back to his/her parents. I am not good with kids at all; they usually smell something foul in me that prompts them to howl and sob with such passion whenever I go near them that my defense mechanism has developed to where I am extremely uncomfortable in the presence of a child. I may face my fears and say words to them or even poke at them sometimes, but trust me when I say that deep inside, I am petrified that I am going to mess them up or make them miserable in some way.
But today, I really held a baby, and I never wanted to let her go. I fell in love with the beautiful baby girl named Raquel, shown above. It was actually by accident, because while our group was taking a tour of Casa Hogar, which is an orphanage that lies ten minutes south of the border and houses around 100 children, a friend just dropped her into my arms because she had to take care of something. I remember blinking fearfully into those clear brown eyes and seeing her assess, then simply trust me. I was absolutely blown away by this miracle. It came to a point where she became so comfortable with me that she tilted her neck to perfectly fit the crook of my neck, and I wanted to burst into tears at this gorgeous experience. Praise God, I am capable of caring for a child.
I don’t know what Raquel’s future looks like, and really pray that a wonderful family will take her to be their own, and that she’ll be able to experience just how much God really loves her. As I gently rocked her, I wondered if Raquel felt like an orphan, and if she knew what kind of circumstances have been dealt to her. Honestly, one doesn’t have to be in an orphanage to have felt abandoned, and I know plenty of people who have carried the pain of parents who have forgotten, abused, and neglected them, feeling left behind by these people who had brought them into the world.
We have a world filled with orphans, but we manage to find family in the most unexpected places. I’m thankful to have people who I can call my sisters, my brothers, my parents, all role models who I can grow with and learn from, even have those annoying arguments with. But the best part is when I can come to a place where I can stop fighting and crying, drop my arms willingly and lean my head against the crook of their desire to help me, to listen to me, to love on me.
Even deep within Mexico, God shines a brilliant light upon a humble orphanage with children who are blessed with love, and I am so thankful that for now, Raquel is safe as she awaits people who she can call her own. And I hope she’ll be able to understand in time that God calls her HIS own. That will be a beautiful connection for sure.
Friends, I hope you have your person, or people. I hope you’ll love on them and thank God for the presence of something so significant and real in your life. Even if people messed you up in the past and you feel like you have trust/relationship/commitment issues, just know that that won’t stop love from happening around you, on you, to you. So perhaps when love is plopped into your arms without warning, a good first step would be to abandon that fear and simply hold it close.
Hold it dear and experience miracles.